Why I’m Done Pretending "Hard to Shop For" People Aren’t Just Lazy Gift Givers

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I’ve never understood the whole “I’m so hard to shop for” excuse when it comes to gift giving. Honestly, it’s a phrase I’ve heard countless times, and every time it makes me cringe. It’s as if people use this line to absolve themselves from the effort of paying attention, the effort of thinking, and the effort of truly considering the people in their lives. I’ve come to realize that when someone says they’re hard to shop for, it usually means one thing: they didn’t bother paying enough attention to know what you’d really like. And let’s face it, that’s just lazy.

Let me set the scene for you. I’m a 29-year-old woman, and like most of us, I’ve experienced my fair share of interestinggifts. Birthday, Christmas, housewarming—whatever the occasion—sometimes I wonder if the person giving the gift actually knows me at all. I’m not talking about the expensive gifts or the big gestures, but those small, thoughtful items that let you know someone truly listens when you speak. It's not that I don't appreciate the thought behind them, but when you get something completely random and useless, it starts to feel like a box was checked, rather than a meaningful gift exchange.

Take my 29th birthday, for example. My cousin, who knows me better than most, decided to give me a collection of random Amazon items. I kid you not, the package I received included things like a novelty mug, some “cute” desk accessories, and an oddly shaped phone stand that I’ve never once used. Sure, it’s the thought that counts, right? But here’s the problem—I was hoping for something a bit more intuitive, something that showed she had been paying attention to what I actually like or need. She knows I love makeup, I’m obsessed with working out, and I live for a good movie night. I’m constantly telling her how much I love going to my favorite workout class or how I’d love tickets to a concert. Oh, and did I mention I’m always getting my nails done? In fact, I’ve gone through more bottles of nail polish remover than I care to admit.

Yet, instead of picking up on these obvious interests, she sent me things that could have come from any generic “Gift Ideas for Her” list on the internet. A mug that says “Best Cousin Ever”? Please. That’s not a gift, that’s just a decoration for your kitchen. And while I’m sure some people might find it “thoughtful,” it ended up in my trash because it didn’t align with who I am or what I enjoy.

Now, I’m not ungrateful. I understand that it’s the thought that counts. But let’s be real, when you give a gift that has zero connection to the person you're giving it to, it becomes a waste of money. I would have much rather received something that aligned with my interests—something that said, “I pay attention to you, and I care about making your life a little better.” A gift card to Sephora? A voucher for a new workout class I’ve been dying to try? Or even something as simple as a gift card for a nail salon (seriously, I’m there every two weeks)? These things would have taken minimal thought and effort but would have made me feel like she actually cared enough to listen. Instead, I ended up with a set of generic items that were clearly just pulled off Amazon to “check a box.”

But here’s the thing—I’m not mad at her. I’m mad at the culture of laziness around gift giving. We’ve all become so accustomed to generic gifts, and I’m over it. I’m at an age where I expect more than just a box of random items. I’m done with people who act like they can’t be bothered to think creatively or to take five minutes to learn what their loved ones actually enjoy.

This is why, as I approach 30, I’m becoming more intentional with the people I surround myself with. I want to be surrounded by individuals who genuinely pay attention, who listen to what I say, and who show that through their actions. And when it comes to giving gifts, that’s exactly what I’m looking for. Thoughtfulness, effort, and a genuine understanding of who I am as a person.

So, to avoid the awkwardness that comes with receiving a thoughtless gift, here’s my personal rulebook for both giving and receiving presents:

1. Create a Public Wishlist

If you’re unsure what to buy someone, take the guesswork out of it by creating a public wishlist. I’ve started doing this for my friends and family, especially around birthdays and holidays. Platforms like Amazon, Etsy, or even Google Docs let you list things you actually want. This eliminates the dreaded “I’m so hard to shop for” excuse and makes it easier for others to pick something you’ll truly appreciate.

2. Pay Attention to the Little Things

You don’t have to be an expert in your loved one’s interests, but paying attention to the small things can go a long way. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve mentioned my obsession with wine and cheese boards—if I were my cousin, I’d have grabbed a cute wine-tasting voucher or some fancy cheese knives. Easy! And don’t forget to listen when people talk about activities they want to try—tickets to a concert or an event they’ve been eyeing can show you’ve been paying attention without needing to ask for hints.

3. Stop Using the “Hard to Shop For” Excuse

Look, if you’re telling me I’m hard to shop for, I’m going to take that as a sign that you’re not really paying attention. When people say this, it’s often because they don’t want to put in the effort of finding something meaningful. I’m hard to shop for? Fine. But a little effort can go a long way. We all deserve gifts that reflect the care and thought that went into them—not just random items pulled from a catalog.

4. Ask Questions

If you’re really stuck on what to get, just ask. It’s that simple. There’s no shame in checking in with someone to find out what they really want or need. Believe me, I’d rather you ask me what I’d love, rather than end up with something I’ll never use. And I promise, you won’t look lazy—just considerate.

As I approach my 30s, I’m determined to surround myself with people who understand the importance of being thoughtful, considerate, and intentional in all things, including gift-giving. Because nothing feels worse than disappointment, especially when it comes to the people you care about the most. I know my worth, and I want the people in my life to show they know it too.